


Cast Your Soul to the Sea

by Merlin Missy (mtgat)



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One)
Genre: Amnesia, Character Death Fix, M/M, Mech Preg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-23
Updated: 2013-12-23
Packaged: 2018-01-05 16:02:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1095912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mtgat/pseuds/Merlin%20Missy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rewind has been found and restored, but he's lost his memories, including his memories of his Conjunx Endura.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cast Your Soul to the Sea

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Dellessa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dellessa/gifts).



Optical receptors sparked, allowing photons of light in. His vocal processor, not yet online, could not cry out in surprise. One audio receptor crackled, letting in a tinny noise. Voices.

"Is he...?"

"Patience."

The light faded. The voices faded. Unconsciousness claimed him.

* * *

When next his optical receptors functioned, his second audio receptor came online. A medic stood beside the berth, facing away. He found this unacceptable, terrifying. Memories jumbled in his core processor, unclear and disconnected. The inability to place names to anything frightened him, and the mech's hidden face frightened him more. He tried to shout, but heard static emanating from his vocal processor instead of words.

The sound was sufficient for the medic to turn, a pleased expression on his face. "Hello, there. And how are we feeling today?"

More static. He couldn't speak. The medic placed a friendly hand on his arm. "Now that you're awake, I'll get to work on that vocal processor. In the meantime, are you in any pain? Blink once for yes, twice for no."

He managed to dim his optical receptors twice. The medic nodded. "Excellent. I warn you, that won't last. I've disabled a number of your pain receptors but I'll have to reattach them to complete the healing process."

Unable to speak or ask, he merely dimmed his optical receptors twice again. _Yes. I understand._

The mech nodded. "Good." He turned back to his screen. "I'm putting you back under for the moment. But I promise, I'll make sure Chromedome is here when you wake up."

He lay still, the words washing past him. Without a voice, he couldn't ask the medic who he meant.

* * *

At his third awakening, he saw a second 'bot beside the medic. As soon as his optical receptors came online, he recognized a fierce joy light the newcomer's visor. Immediately he crossed the brief space between them and enwrapped their digits. "Rewind."

He tested his vocal processor. "Hello." The sound came out staticky but understandable to his own audio receptors. "Hello!" he said in a louder voice.

"Hello," said the newcomer warmly. He felt his hand being squeezed. Perhaps this was another diagnostic. He squeezed back, and was met with an even brighter response from the other 'bot. Clearly a diagnostic, and he'd passed. Excellent.

The medic came over. "You'll need rest. I don't want you out of your berth until I'm sure all your reconnections are stable." The medic lightly cuffed the second 'bot on the shoulder. "And no ideas. Rest and recharge only."

"Understood." Thick emotions clouded the stranger's voice. "Ratchet, I can't thank you enough."

"I know," said Ratchet smugly. He patted the stranger's shoulder again. "I'll just take these to Rodimus to update him on your condition." The words were stilted and awkward. He was aware that the medic, Ratchet, was lying. Odd.

After he'd gone, the other 'bot asked, "How are you feeling?" Joy had melted into concern. "We thought we'd lost you. Had a funeral and everything. Everyone was sad. You'd have hated it." He sounded as though every word choked him. The hand grasping his squeezed tighter, activating pain circuits. "I missed you."

He lay there watching this stranger. Memories continued to misfire. This form was not unknown, but he couldn't fit the images to anything coherent. A word floated into his processors, strong and vibrant, not associated with any clear memory but important. He cleared his voice processor of static, and he said the only name he could remember:

"Dominus?"

* * *

He could hear them speaking outside. His audio receptors strained to catch the words, but they were talking about him. Rewind. His name was Rewind.

The stranger 'bot, the one who was not named Dominus and who'd recoiled from Rewind as soon as he'd tried the name, spoke in a low, angry voice to Ratchet. "He doesn't remember. He doesn't know his own name. He doesn't recognize me at all. What have you done?"

Rewind heard panic and sorrow through the tone. The other 'bot was angry, but not at him. Not even at Ratchet, he thought. At himself. At others. At the universe. Rewind didn't know how he knew what the 'bot felt. Curious.

Ratchet offered a consoling tone in response. "We knew there was extensive damage, Chromedome. It's a miracle we found enough of him to reconstruct."

"His body, yes, you did an amazing job. But Rewind's mind is gone." The voice broke on the last word. Rewind lay in his berth, listening, sympathy welling for this 'bot he didn't know. Chromedome. Yes.

"His memory stores were badly damaged. You knew this was a risk going in." The medic remained kind. "As his pathways heal, he may regain some of them. Bring him a recorder. Be there for him."

"How long?"

"Until his memories return? I won't lie to you. He may never recover them."

There was a soft gasp. "But, millions of years. They can't be gone that way."

"I'm sorry."

* * *

Chromedome brought him energon, talking lightly of 'bots Rewind didn't know. Some came to see him, standing uncomfortably beside his berth as he stared at their unfamiliar faces. Whirl, Rodimus, Brainstorm, their names bounced off the blank plating of his lost memories, sliding away as soon as they left the room.

He found he couldn't hold onto new concepts long. For an entire day, he forgot Ratchet's name until a servo hummed and sparked somewhere inside him, revealing the information. He forgot the words for things. The 'bot who stayed with him reminded him as he forgot, sometimes patiently, sometimes less so, especially on cycles when Rewind could not recall the 'bot's name at all.

* * *

They were talking about him again. He'd learned to feign unconsciousness. Rung stood outside the door, Rung who came to visit and asked him how he felt about various things, and made notes on a datapad he never let Rewind see.

Rung said, "You cannot tell him."

"It's his right to know." Chromedome. Rewind remembered his name again.

"You can't force him to retrieve memories and emotions which simply do not exist in his processor any longer. I'm sorry."

"I don't need him to retrieve those memories."

"But that's what you're asking him to do. What do you intend to tell him? You're growing a newspark within you, a newspark he sired, and you expect him to be happy about the revelation?"

Chromedome's voice was fierce. "Yes. He will be happy. We've talked about sparklings before. I was afraid because of how I was constructed. But Rung, this is our chance. A second miracle to make the first one better."

"He won't remember." Rung's sorrow was clear, sympathy for his friends. "You'll only confuse him. It will not bring the 'bot you knew back to you. You can only move forward."

Rewind heard a thunk, like a metal head thumping against a bulkhead in frustration. "Then when do I tell him? When the sparkling emerges? When it's grown? I understand, Rung. My Conjunx is gone. I don't like it, but I understand. But there will soon be a sparkling to raise, asking me who his sire is. I can't keep this from him. I won't."

"I am not telling you that you must, only that you cannot go to him, and tell him, and expect the 'bot you love to suddenly wake up. That's a terrible fantasy to allow yourself, and one I fear will destroy you."

"It's not a fantasy," said Chromedome softly. "It's only hope."

"False hope. We've all had it, ever since we found his body. We all wanted this to work out, for your sake and for his. Believe me, Chromedome, there isn't a 'bot on this ship who doesn't know how the two of you felt about each other."

"No," he heard Chromedome say. "There's one."

He didn't receive a visitor that solar cycle. By the next, he'd forgotten the words Rung had said.

* * *

Ratchet had him out of his berth and on shaky legs. Rewind held tight to the berth, to the bulkhead, to Ratchet's arms, to anything he could grasp rather than risk carrying his own weight. Everything looked strange from this perspective. On the berth, he was the same size as the rest of the 'bots. On his feet, he found that not to be the case. He was no bigger than.... The word escaped him, then re-emerged.

"Ratchet, what's a sparkling?"

Ratchet's grasp faltered, then steadied him. "It's an antiquated term. A youngling. A protoform." Seeing Rewind's continued confusion, he added, "A child. One of us, but immature and still growing."

Unexpectedly, sadness moved over Ratchet's features. Rewind asked, "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing." Then he looked at Rewind, and Rewind identified the emotion as pity. "You used to collect knowledge. Details, trivia, information, _stories_. It's hard to see you this way, my friend."

"Friend." Rewind turned the word around in his mind, feeling sparks trying to resurrect memories which lurked tantalizingly out of his reach. "You are my friend."

"Yes."

"And Rung is my friend. And...." The name slid out of sight. Only the greatest effort restored it. "Chromedome is my friend."

Ratchet hesitated. "Yes. We're all your friends. Do you remember?"

"No."

They completed their circuit of the room, and Ratchet helped him, exhausted, back onto the berth. "Excellent progress," said Ratchet, making notes. "I think tomorrow you should take a brief walk around this part of the ship. You shouldn't be cooped up here." He tapped a button to save. "Maybe it'll help jog some memories."

* * *

They walked the corridors slowly, ratchet to the left side of him, that other 'bot to the right. "We'll go to Swerve's," said the other 'bot cheerfully. "You always enjoyed that."

As Rewind's servos jerked him forward, they passed friendly faces. Some had come to see him. He was sure of it. They'd visited and told him their names: Skids, First Aid, Cyclonus. He repeated the names to himself now, trying to match them with the jumbled images in his memory banks. When they finally reached Swerve's, he was too tired to do anything but rest.

"That's fine," said Ratchet. "You can relax here, and I'll take you back in a while. Have a little energon while you're here, but no Nightmare Fuel." He glanced at the other 'bot. Chromedome. Right. "For either of you."

"No problem," said Chromedome.

Ratchet moved off to talk to other 'bots. Chromedome said, uncomfortably, "Well. This is nice."

"Is it?"

"Is it what?"

"Nice? I remember this place. I think."

Chromedome lit up animatedly. "That's good. That's better than good. What else do you remember?"

But as he examined the other 'bots in the room, nothing came back. "Not much." Belying this, a thought sparked. "You." His companion jerked, staring at him. "You're a surgeon."

Without speaking, Chromedome nodded.

"You perform mnemosurgery," Rewind said, trying to figure out what the words meant and why they were important. "Did you operate on me? Could you?"

Chromedome didn't reply for a long, long time. "No."

"Why?"

"Because you made me swear to stop." His voice came as if from a long distance, covering many years and a lot of pain. "And even if I hadn't, even if I would break that promise, I'm not permitted to operate on you unless your life was in danger. Ethics guidelines."

The words passed him by in a haze. Before he could ask what they meant, the room shook violently. A loud klaxxon wailed. The others jumped to their feet. Someone shouted, "Battle stations!"

Rewind climbed to his own shaky feet, but Chromedome shoved him roughly back into his seat. "Stay here. You can't make it back to medical on your own."

"What's going on?"

"We're under attack. Please, Rewind, for once, stay put. Don't put yourself in danger. Please!" Chromedome followed the others to the door, but came back. Then he did an odd thing, resting his faceplate against Rewind's for a moment. "I'll come for you here. Stay."

* * *

The other 'bot, the one whose name kept slipping away from him, never returned. Rewind was taken to quarters he didn't recognize by a 'bot he didn't know, and left there. He rested as much as he could bear, and paced the small chamber until his servos grew dizzy.

At last, he dragged himself from the room, and with a number of false starts and stops, located the medical area. Ratchet and First Aid glanced at him as he came inside the room, startled at the number of injuries he saw. The medibay was overcrowded with injured 'bots. 

"What happened?"

"We were attacked," said Ratchet, pushing past to tend to another wounded 'bot.

"Did we lose?"

Rung, he knew Rung, saw him sitting beside a berth and chatting with someone. "We're not all dead. So we didn't lose."

He searched until he found what he'd not known he was looking for: a berth with that 'bot. His friend. "Hello," Rewind said, coming up close, then pulling back in alarm as he saw the damage. "What happened to you?"

The 'bot turned to him tiredly. "It isn't as bad as it looks. They're monitoring to make sure we're...I'm all right."

Rewind found the thought that his friend might not be all right disturbing. "Are you?"

"I will be."

First Aid came over. "Chromedome needs his rest."

"I'll go," said Rewind.

"No," First Aid said. "You don't need to go. Just don't let him over-exert himself. Here. You can give him the energon and save me the trouble."

Rewind found himself clumsily feeding his friend in much the same way he'd fed Rewind a few solar cycles ago. "Do we do this often?"

"Too often," said Chromedome.

"Right."

* * *

"I want you off the ship."

"This isn't fair," said Chromedome, but Rodimus was impassive.

"He can't fight, and he can't document. You shouldn't fight. Neither of you has any business going into battle now, or in the future."

Rewind sat outside, yet again eavesdropping when he shouldn't. He was used to not understanding what was going on around him. Turned out they'd been on a spaceship this whole time. Who knew?

Rodimus changed his tone to something more gentle. "It isn't that I don't want you here, or that you're not valuable. You are. You both are. But the further we get in our quest, the more dangerous things are going to get. This isn't any kind of life for a sparkling. Go somewhere else, somewhere safe. Rewind is back from the dead. Appreciate that. Go enjoy your lives together. Raise your sparkling. There are always battles left to fight. You can sit them out for a while."

"My place is here."

"Your place is with Rewind. It always has been. What you two have only comes along once in a million years. Go count stars together."

"We can do that here."

"Not any longer you can't."

"Rodimus, he doesn't know who I am. He can't even remember my name for more than a klik at a time. He isn't the 'bot I knew, not with his old memories gone."

"Then go make new ones."

Rewind waited for him outside, and for once, didn't pretend not to have listened in. "He wants us to leave the ship?"

Chromedome nodded. "Look, I'll talk to him again. Make him see reason."

"A sparkling is a child. Like us, but smaller." He smiled. "Well, smaller than you."

A pause. "Yes."

"How do they happen? How are they created?"

Chromedome's eyes went wide, and he took Rewind by the arm, hauling him down the corridor. "You want to have that discussion _now_?" In a sing-song voice, he said, "When two 'bots love each other very much...." He trailed off sadly. "You know what? I'll have Ratchet set you up with a data file."

"You're carrying a newspark. That's what you called it."

Chromedome stopped. He watched Rewind for a while. "Yes."

"Did we make it together?"

"Yes."

"That explains things, then." Relief flooded through him.

"Explains what?"

Rewind rested against the bulkhead. "I can't remember your name." He watched the pain flicker over Chromedome's expression again, and felt guilty for putting it there, but he had to explain. He had to tell the story in his own way. "You've been with me constantly since I was brought back, and you've helped me to relearn everyone else's name. But yours slips away each time I look at you, each time I think about you. I know Ratchet's name. I know Rodimus. I can remember Dominus's name, though I don't have the memory of why he's important."

Chromedome turned away. "It's fine," he said, although what 'it' was and why he said whatever it was was 'fine' escaped Rewind. But that didn't matter. He reached out, careful to observe, taking the other 'bot's chin in his hand and bring him round to meet Rewind's gaze.

"I don't think about you by your name. I'm not sure I ever did. I look at you, I think about you, and the word that I hear in my processor isn't 'Chromedome.' It's 'Love.'"

Chromedome, _Love_ , didn't answer, merely pulled him closer, resting their faceplates together.

* * *

The planet was small, and uninhabited, but they had access to communications. Ratchet left them plenty of supplies for when the newspark emerged. Rung left them a new recorder. The others left handclasps and their best regards.

Rewind wished he felt more when his friends embraced him, praying for their good fortune, and left. He wished he felt some regret when the _Lost Light_ vanished from sight, not taking them along on the quest. Beyond a doubt, he'd never see many of those 'bots ever again, and without strong memories of who they'd been to him, he'd lose them utterly.

Yet, as he watched the sky, looking for images amongst the stars, he felt an arm wrap around him, and he sensed the life flickering inside, and he couldn't make himself regret a single thing.

* * *

The Beginning


End file.
